Yes, like I said a couple of months ago, I am really moving on from Buddhist blogging. It's true....just let the tears flow, it's ok. I've tried to quit in the past, but always felt drawn back into it. There are several reasons why which I will briefly mention, however there is one rumor I wanted to address, just because I enjoy drama. A few people have thought that I quit the blog because I was trolling Barbara O'Brien's blog, but that isn't true.Oh the back stories about the behind the scenes Buddhist world I could talk about would make for a great book. I mean, maybe, just maybe I trolled her blog, but holy fucking shit balls, I've been trolling blogs for years now! Is it that much of a shocker? Seriously, I say I'm a troll right on the side bar!
If you have a blog there is a good chance I've trolled you to at some point! Christ, I troll myself sometimes. Anyway, so I was trolling some racist twat, (and you'd be suprised at the amount of racism against white convert practitioners there really is) and like usual, the "I hate myself" brigade came flying in to make dark acquisitions about the boogeyman coming to get them. In all honesty to you guys, and you know who you are, if you've accused me or vaguely accused me of something awful or evil, there is a good chance it actually was me. I am really out to get you. I'm the villain, and it's a fun role to play!
There are quite a few e-Buddhists that take themselves just way too seriously. This isn't the god damn Paris Peace Accords, so I'm not sure why every damn thing has to be life or death discussions. It's OK to laugh every once in awhile you silly fuckers; we are all going to be dead one day, and living your entire life in some sad hand wringing social crusade may be noble, but social awareness overload is kinda fucking lame. The Buddha's teachings often talk about the problems we accrue when getting too involved with oneself, and one's harmful attachments to the fleeting moments in life. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, if after several years practicing a Buddhism you have become more angry, confused, self absorbed and bitter, you are probably doing it all wrong.
I did shut down this blog at first, but I had numerous people ask that I leave up the archives. So, here they are, not sure why anyone would want to read them. I still want to write, but I felt my time has past writing as a "Buddhist." Yes, I'm still a Zen Buddhist, and yes I still take the practice seriously, but frankly I got a whole lot of nothing left to say on the subject anymore. That history blog I started like a month ago, yea, I took out behind the woodshed and murdered it last week. Sure it's interesting, but I much prefer my crude jokes, my foul language and rantings way more than writing about dead people. I very well may take back up this blog in a few months, but for now I need to step away.
It was a fun 5 years of being an attention whore and a general pain in the ass to everyone. I wouldn't take it back for the world. I don't have any real words of wisdom, but I'll say this: never apologize for who you are and never stay silent when something needs to be said. Don't depend on someone or something else for your own happiness, it's not something you acquire, it's something you discover - or perhaps re-discover. Most of all, find out for yourselves why the Buddha's teaching, still after 2,500 years, resonate so powerfully with humanity. Some may say the path is something you believe in, and to that I say horseshit. I say only believe in yourself and your own ability to understand your true nature. It's down to you....it always has been, it can be no other way.
